I know less, as I come to know You more.

Real talk, y’all: To say that it’s been a whirlwind of a week has been an understatement.

Last Wednesday, I was sitting at the new “Fort Wayne Famous” restaurant, the Golden (BEST chocolate / toffee pudding EVER), laughing about future dreams and aspirations.

A week ago today (Fri-YAY), I was leaving my cozy Indiana apartment at 1:30a to drive to Detroit and jump on a 5:50a flight to NYC—only to be in a restaurant that evening that was also hosting ladies from the Bachelor.

A week ago tomorrow, I was laughing with some of my favorite people in the world and dancing to 90’s hits on their living room couch.

A week ago tomorrow night, I was standing in one of my favorite places in the world—right in front of the fountain at Lincoln Center, taking in the wonder of the moment.

A week ago Sunday, I had slept 13 hours in 4 days and spent six hours on a plane, trying to get back from NYC to Detroit. And then driving from Detroit to Fort Wayne.

Last Tuesday, I spent the day driving down to Atlanta (Indiana) for a client presentation.

Wednesday—I was roasting s’mores & eating pineapple tacos at one of Fort Wayne’s (other) best new restaurants.

Yesterday was—well, let’s just say a DAY.

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I tell you all of that to show you that, when I say it’s been a week, you know it’s been a WEEK. I’ve simultaneously basked in some of my life’s greatest joys, and been confronted with the weight of a few of my hardest decisions. Relished the highs, and ridden out the lows.

As I’m typing this, I’ve finally surrendered & am sitting on my couch in leggings with a glass of Oliver’s, Skinny Pop, & an unbelievably cozy blanket. Fully embracing the week’s end.

Yet, the thing I’d like to let you know is the part of it that sticks with me—along with the joys & struggles & moments—is there has been one constant in everything. In the moments right before drifting off to sleep on the plane, to the times that have found me on my couch with Bible in hand—and every minute in between, there’s been a presence.

His presence. It’s been undeniable. Even in the moments I wasn’t actively seeking it, when I wasn’t going out in search of direction. I’ve found that, even when I wasn’t consciously seeking to be at His side, He’s been at mine. Taking me in His arms, kissing me on the head, and saying, “Let it go, I’ve got this.”

There have been times this week when I’ve been too tired to put two words together—let alone form a whole prayer—and still, there’s Jesus. Beside me on my flight, with me as I slowly wake in the mornings, or with me on the couch even now. And that—that feeling of being pursued—it’s humbling.

By His side.

Judah Smith puts it this way: “God has placed you in a position of favor by His side. He’s faithful. You will feel His hand in the small of your back, prompting you, ‘Come on, we’re going to go this way now.’ It might just be the subtle, simple hints from the spirit of Jesus that are leading you every day. Don’t spend another day busying yourself with somebody else’s lane and plan and purpose. You have your own, by His side. Just enjoy.”

I know & love people who have read the books and go to the classes, who volunteer at church and never fail to do their morning devotions. I’d like to say that’s me. I try hard to be that way. But mornings aren’t my thing. I’m the kind of person who has to set 15 alarms to get up. When there was talk of an early-morning meeting at work last week, one of my coworkers laughed out loud when I said I could be there.

…I digress. What I mean to say is—those are all great things. They are all relationship-builders with God. But this week, my mornings have usually started with my eyes fluttering open and, through the mass of pillows & covers piled on my head, saying, “God, are you there?” And I sense His presence—as close as if He’s sitting on the edge of my bed, laughing, saying, “Yes, of course I’m here.”

These little moments have actually changed my relationship with Him. I think, too often, it’s easy to slip into a version of relationship that we think is appropriate for us to have with our Creator. We set the limits, we initiate the interaction, we do the talking and feel like the seeking is something that happens on our end, too.

But, I don’t think that’s what He wants. I don’t think that’s all that He wants. I think that we see Jesus’ divinity and completely miss the point of His humanity.

If our relationships on earth are meant to be reflections our relationship with Him…oh, friends, we are missing out.

Your life and your love are something you give to a person, not to a set of rules or do’s and don’ts.

And realizing the depth of this Relationship with Jesus this week…I never want to go back to anything before. I’m falling in love with the Savior, my Jesus.

I couldn’t put it any better than this (I know it’s long, but please read the whole thing):

“I used to shake You like an 8-ball

I used to shoot You like a gun

I used to hold You like a hammer

Try to nail down everyone

I used to keep You in a steeple

Used to bind You in a Book

I used to take You like prescription

Without knowing what I took

But now I just don’t buy it anymore

No, I’ve tried and I’ve tried to know everything for sure

But I find I know less as I come to know You more

You’re not who I thought You were

Praise the Lord

Your love’s an ocean, not a river

A symphony, not just a song

I don’t think everybody’s right

I just think most of us were wrong

I think that when we get to Heaven

We’re gonna laugh when we can see

How hard we try to make it

And how easy it should be

Providence is endless

Mercy is a mystery

And fear is no good reason

To believe in anything

So I just don’t buy it anymore

No, I’ve tried and I’ve tried to know everything for sure

But I find I know less as I come to know You more

You’re not who I thought You were

Praise the Lord

Praise the Lord.

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