The Dating Equation

One of the blessings of having lived in different states is that I have friends all over the country—and, that the rare times when I get to catch up with them face-to-face is so much sweeter! Last week, I had the pleasure of catching up with a few of my girlfriends—some closer than others in proximity, but all close in spirit. And, though we’re not all in the same life stages, “relationships” is a theme that’s consistently woven into the fabric of our conversations.

Relationships are tough to write about. They’re personal. They’re messy. And that’s why, to this point, I haven’t. But there are some things that have been on my heart for a bit, and I think it’s time to share them. From high school prom dates to the dating landscape of our 20’s—and marriage, for a few of us—our relationships have shaped our lives and the women that we are today. The boys and the men that have entered our lives have had enormous power to leave their mark on our hearts—and, our hearts continue to grow and shift in light of these interactions.

When I was younger, I didn’t understand that. I thought the equation was “me + him = 100%”. My heart, though I didn’t know it, was looking for someone to come along and complete it. That meant that, through the tumultuous world of dating, it was constantly shifting—who I was was constantly shifting—as I sought to be the someone worthy of completing.

That’s no way to live and, candidly, isn’t a fair expectation within any relationship. Nobody can take the pressure of being who they are, and completing someone else. What the equation should be, I’ve learned, is “me + him + God = 200%. or 250%. or 400%.” It should be the addition of two people who are wholly comfortable in themselves to create something greater than themselves, not two people coming together to create one whole person.

Does this mean that, when we realize the right equation, our hearts are impervious to the words and actions that others speak to them? No. So gentlemen – please do understand the privilege of having access to a girl’s heart. And ladies – be careful who you allow to hold your heart. The right relationship should not complete you, it should add to you both. Know who you are, so someone else someday can know how to add their 100% to yours.

 

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In other news – Kenzi-Caudill.com has a new Instagram account! Follow along at caudill.kenzi on Insta daily inspiration. (Honestly, I’m about 10425 times better at updating my Insta vs. the blog. BUT – hopefully that’ll change! In the meantime, I’d love to continue the conversation with you on social media 🙂 )

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2 thoughts on “The Dating Equation

  1. That is absolutely true! At the end of the day your relationship with the Lord is going to reflect on your relationships as friends, dating, courting, or marriage. When we are walking in His will and carrying His heart into our relationships on earth we will see relationships with this perspective. From that security in a relationship with Christ we are on the perfect platform to build solid God centered relationships. I was a youth councilor this summer for a group of high schoolers and junior highers. There were six different topic based sermons being taught around camp, and the majority of our group went to the one titled dating. After that all our kids had a ton of questions for us the councilors. One of the questions that they all boiled down to was, What is the number one quality to look for in someone to date/marry? (Besides me personally not liking the concept of dating and the culture behind it.) I shared that for me, The number one thing to look for in that the person is to look for is someone that persuses a relationship with God before you. That she wants to receive love and unity through Christ before me. It’s not about how much she loves me, or how much I love her. It’s about how much we receive God’s Love and love Him back, which will reflect onto our relationship.

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